Mrs Violet Ross, Head of Woolcock House and Year 9 Coordinator
Are we in danger of becoming an individualistic, self-absorbed culture, unable to give much thought to anyone but ourselves? Is our capacity for empathy diminishing? Our everyday lives have become saturated by media influences, relentless marketing and exchanges via email and social media. Much of this influence directs us to focus on the self, telling us how we should look, what we should fear, what we need to buy, how many ‘likes’ our photos have achieved, how many ‘friends’ we have. We are, after all, living in the era of the selfie.
The reality, however, defies this appearance. Humans are social creatures neurologically hard-wired to be empathetic and to care for each other. We have an innate desire to belong and connect. It gives us a satisfying sense of identity and builds our emotional security (Mackay, 2010). At a time of year when we are typically tired from our work and school commitments, somewhat inward-looking and not our best selves, it is timely to redirect our focus from ourselves to others. The ‘hump’ in the year is a good time to consider the benefits of building our capacity in key social skills, like empathy, to strengthen our relationships and future-safe our young people in their professional lives beyond the white picket fence.
Historian and author, Roman Krznaric, describes cognitive empathy as ‘perspective taking’, like stepping into somebody else’s world, understanding their views, beliefs, fears and the experiences that shape how they look at the world and how they look at themselves. He asserts that the ability to empathise results in creative thinking and improved relationships; it creates the human bonds that make our lives fulfilled, and can also bring about positive social change (Krznaric, 2012, December 3). One of our most basic needs is to feel listened to and to be understood, yet it seems we are tuning in less to the needs of others and connecting less effectively with them.
The trouble is that empathy thrives best in relationships that have depth, and when we can immerse ourselves in other people’s unique view of the world rather than a prefabricated online profile. Social networks … are not usually designed to facilitate making the imaginative leap into other minds. They are about the efficient exchange of information rather than the less easily packaged exchange of intimacy (Krznaric, 2014, p. 161).
Empathy is also a key skill for work. According to the World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs Report (2016), emotional intelligence will be one of the top ten job skills in 2020. Emotionally intelligent people are good listeners, they can understand, co-operate and collaborate with others, they are more open to feedback and make more thoughtful and thorough decisions (Deutschendorf, 2016). Empathy in the workplace informs decisions that are based on the reactions of others, and it allows the building of trust. Empathic workers also make better bosses (Jones, 2012). Highly empathic leaders are better able to build relationships with their staff, foster a sense of security, understand underlying reasons for poor performance, and help struggling employees to improve and excel. In our globalised business context, leaders ‘need to be more person-focused and be able to work with those not just in the next cubicle but those in other buildings and other countries’ (Goleman cited in Jones, 2012).
Fortunately, empathy is a skill that can be nurtured and strengthened. The following are some suggestions as to how we might build our capacity for empathy:
Name the emotion: Parents can role-model this for their children to help them express how they are feeling as they navigate the highs and lows of everyday life.
Listen and open up: We need to be fully present and slow down when listening to each other and to ourselves. All too often during a conversation we are preparing what we plan to say next. Instead, listen intently, maintain eye contact, focus solely on what the person is saying and consider the life experience that may have led to this point of view before offering your own contribution to the conversation.
Be supportive and helpful in your responses: We need to pay attention to our own reactions to other people’s emotions. Are we being judgmental? Acknowledge what has been said by paraphrasing and repeating it. Accept the feelings of others; just being concerned is helpful. Remember it is not necessary to solve the problem, just to validate the person’s feelings.
Cultivate curiosity about strangers: Highly empathic people tend to be very curious about strangers. They might start a conversation with the person behind them in a queue or sitting next to them on the bus. Talking to people outside our usual social circles and learning about lives and perspectives that are different from our own builds empathy (Krznaric, 2012, November 27).
Challenge prejudices and look for commonalities: It is human nature to make assumptions about people and use collective labels — ‘boat people’, ‘extremists’, ‘computer geeks’, ‘greenies’ … the list is endless. We may even be unaware of some of our prejudices as they have been carried with us since childhood. Stereotyping inhibits our ability to see people for their uniqueness. Highly empathic people are able to see past the labels and empathise with people whose beliefs they do not share (Krznaric, 2012, November 27).
Put the devices aside: This is not about being anti-technology but rather pro-conversation. Make it a priority for the family to stay meaningfully connected by establishing technology-free times during meals, when driving in the car, or on family outings.
Empathy has been the primary focus of the Year 9 Ethics programme this term. During our first assembly, Mrs Anne Ingram, Dean of Students, revealed the science behind empathy and how the discovery of mirror neurons in the early 1990s has shown us that we are naturally empathetic beings (Ingram, 2016). The session which followed involved Peer Power, experts in ‘adolescentology’, outlining the three key stages of empathising with others: tuning in, interpreting and responding in an authentic or helpful way. They also explored the condition of narcissism in the context of its being what empathy is not.
We can learn to become more empathic; the choice is ours. Understanding who we are cannot be achieved through introspection alone. As we discover more about others, we discover more about ourselves. The benefits are clear: strong, satisfying relationships, healthy, productive workplaces and a compassionate, inclusive society where everyone feels valued.
If you learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it (Lee, 2010, p. 33).
References
Deutschendorf, H. (2016, May 4). 7 reasons why emotional intelligence is one of the fastest-growing job skills. [Article]. Retrieved from http://www.fastcompany.com/3059481/7-reasons-why-emotional-intelligence-is-one-of-the-fastest-growing-job-skills
Ingram, A. (2016, April). Year 9 Ethics: The science of empathy. Lecture presented at Brisbane Girls Grammar School, Brisbane.
Jones, A. (2012, October 17). Business leaders agree: empathy is the single-most important skill in business today. [Article]. Retrieved from http://www.neuresourcegroup.com.au/business-leaders-agree-empathy-is-the-single-most-important-skill-in-business-today/
Krznaric, R. (2012, November 27). Six habits of highly empathic people. [Article]. Retrieved from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_empathic_people1
Krznaric, R. (2012, December 3). RSA ANIMATE: The power of outrospection. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG46IwVfSu8
Krznaric, R. (2014). Empathy: a handbook for revolution. London: Edbury Publishing.
Lee, H. (2010). To kill a mockingbird. (50th anniversary ed.). London: William Heinemann.
Mackay, H. (2010, November 15). What makes us tick? The ten desires that drive us. William Merrylees Lecture, Charles Sturt University. Retrieved from https://www.csu.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0011/118784/Hugh-McKay-speech.pdf
World Economic Forum (2016). Future of jobs report. Retrieved from http://reports.weforum.org/future-of-jobs-2016/